Thursday, October 16, 2008

Empathy

I was building a radio station over at Pandora today and yesterday, and I came across a song I hadn't heard in awhile. I found the music video, and I felt like it spoke volumes about how Christians should relate to the world, though it is a secular song. I don't think this should matter, but in case your virgin ears might be offended, the singer uses the f-word.

The song is What It's Like by Everlast, and you can find the lyrics here.



Christians spend way too much time judging people. With all that time analyzing everyone else, you would think we would try to understand people a little better, but that's usually not the case. I think that if we took more time to understand the circumstances in people's lives, we might realize that if we had gone through what they had, and didn't have the benefits and blessings that we do, we might act they same way.

That doesn't make sin okay, but maybe that would help us be a little more graceful and loving towards people we see as 'sinners.' Although really, we are all sinners, and are all equally disgusting towards God.

"All of us have become like one who is unclean,
and all our righteous acts are like filthy rags;
we all shrivel up like a leaf,
and like the wind our sins sweep us away." Isaiah 64:6

Also, if we would take the time to understand how people get into sin and self destructive patterns, we might be a lot better at helping them get out of that behavior. I was talking to a Christian friend of mine, and I told him I was teaching a class on teen sexuality. I was specifically talking about the reasons that teens have sex.

He told me that the problem is the same as it always was, teens have a 'stubborn heart and want to sin.' While i would agree that may be true on some level, it's not nearly close to the whole truth. I told him that I thought that if he were exposed to the same pressures and problems that many teens are, and weren't taught the Bible in a loving, stable Christian family, he would probably have had sex in high school too.

I hear a lot about calling sin what it is: evil, and I'm all for that. But I don't hear much about calling sinners what they are, the beloved of God.

Thursday, October 9, 2008

Light Along the Path: A Narrative

This is a short story I wrote. I hope you like it.


Daniel was in a hurry to get through the woods. It was pitch black - no moon rose to illuminate the sky tonight. Sweat dripped of his skin and soaked into his clothing. the air all around him was thick and close, like the air in old closet or an attic. Fog rolled all around him, making phantom shapes in the darkness.

Daniel liked the dark. It was warm and close and vague. He didn't pay attention to his immediate surrounding, but headed in the direction he knew was East. Every so often, he ran into a bush or tripped over a root, but this did not concern him greatly. He often caught himself in bushes, and bugs dove on him in swarms, biting at every bit of exposed flesh. This, Daniel felt, was all part of the experience.

Daniel walked briskly through the forest, hands out in front of him, feeling blindly for upcoming trees or thorn bushes. As he walked, the grass under his feet became more and more slippery. Soon Daniel could feel the soft ear squishing under his feet. He knew there was a large bog to the North, but he would have to be miles and miles of track to be close to the bog.

"It must have rain pretty hard here," Daniel said to himself.

the ground became increasingly moist as Daniel plowed on. Suddenly, as Daniel took a step forward, his foot sunk about a foot deep into a puddle. Daniel shivered as freezing water rushed into his boot. Undeterred, Daniel stepped over the puddle and attempted to move on. Unfortunately, Daniel's boat stuck in the mud at the bottom of the puddle, and he fell face down in the mud. Daniel got up, gave an enormous tug on his left leg.

With a loud sucking sound, his leg came free, and he hurried on. At this point, Daniel was not sure that he was on any particular path, but he reasoned that if he simply continued East he would eventually emerge of the other side of the forest. From there, he could get his bearings.

Daniel had just decided he must be almost through the forest when a patch of leaves under his foot gave way. Within seconds, he slid waist deep in a pool of quicksand. For the first time, Daniel stopped and looked around, unsure of what to do.

For a little while he tried to get himself free, but he soon stopped when he realized this made him sink even faster. The quicksand had now risen to his rib cage.

Daniel started to worry. I'm miles off the path. I must have been going North instead of East. I must be in the bog. I can't get out of this by myself. But who will help me? It's the middle of the night, and no one travels this far North, even in the day time. Well, it couldn't hurt to try...

Daniel was about to cry out for help, but then another voice in his head said, Hold on, think about this. If you cry out now, and someone comes, you're going to look like an idiot when they find you.

Daniel hesitated. He did look awfully foolish standing helpless in a pool of liquid earth. However, he continued to sink, and when the quicksand reached his armpits, he grew desperate.

"Help," Daniel cried, "Help! I've fallen in a pool of quicksand!" There was no answer.

"Help! Please, I can't out. I walked into a pool of quicksand. Please, help me, or I'm going to die."

If it had not been pitch black, he could not have seen it, but as it was, Daniel thought he saw a faint light through the trees. Suddenly, he felt hopeful. He continued to yell, and the light came closer. Soon, Daniel could hear branches snapping under foot. A minute later, and the bushes in the distance began to shake.

Suddenly, there was a resounding crack, and a thorn bush directly in front of Daniel bent over double. There was another crack, and Daniel saw that behind the bush, there was a man with a walking stick beating the bush out of his way. Daniel gasped with relief. He looked towards the other man, but the man was shining his light at him, and he Daniel was blinded.

Carefully feeling the ground with his walking stick, the man moved forward. On the edge of the quicksand, he held the stick out towards Daniel. Daniel held on tight, and the man began to pull him out.

The was small and skinny, but he demonstrated incredible strength. After only a few moments, the man had pulled Daniel out of the pool.

"Thank you," Daniel gasped.

"Don't thank me, I didn't hear you calling. I was walking through the woods with my teacher, and he heard your voice. He sent me to rescue you."

"Well, thank him then."

"Are you trying to get to the East?"

"Yes."

"So was I. I was caught in one of these pools just a few weeks ago, and my teacher sent someone to save me. Now I come out here with him every night to find people who are lost."

"How do you navigate this wilderness."

"I'll show you. First of, you're really being a moron because you're trying to get through the forest without a lamp." The strange man lit a lamp, and handed it to Daniel. "Secondly, you don't have a stick to check the ground or fight the thorn bushes." As he said this, Daniel looked at his body in the light. With shock, he realized his clothes, brand new and high quality have been shredded by the thorns. Threads trailed all around him, and in many places the thorns had cut into his skin and drawn blood. Daniel began to suspect that many pricks he had assumed were bug bites were actually thorns.

Looking at his exposed flesh, Daniel realized that there were dozen of ticks burrowing into his skin. "That's the other problem. You need some protective clothing. We'll have to wait until morning and go to my teacher's house. You can get some there. As far as a walking stick, just pick of a good sized branch. It will get hardened and worn down as to use it."

Daniel nodded.

"You can head off east again, it's that way, but if you don't know this area you're liable to get stuck again. I can't promise I'll be around to help next time. Or if you want, you can come with me. I'm going to save a girl to the west. She's fallen in a pit and broken her leg. If you want to follow along, I can teach you a little bit about getting around. After we pick her up, we can go to my teacher's house and rest."

Daniel thought for a moment. "Okay."

The man smiled. "Great. I could sure use the help carrying her in this thicket."

The man helped Daniel to his feet, and together they started off through the woods. Daniel shown his light long next to the strange man's and stuck close to his side. Several time, the man held him back from plunging into a pit or another pool of quicksand. Daniel began to feel increasingly happy to be traveling with someone else in the light, even though he was no longer making good time to the East.

But then again,
Daniel thought, I never really was going East after all.

Monday, October 6, 2008

Jesus, Party Animal?

Some of you may know I work with an inner city youth group called ICI. Recently, they asked me to teach the kids the story about how Jesus at the wedding in Cana. While I was studying it, the Jesus I encountered was radically different from the Jesus I have often seen presented by the Church. For those of you who don't know the story, it goes like this:

Jesus and his family got to a wedding. At the time, Jesus only has five followers, so he brings them along too. While they are at the wedding, the host runs out of wine, and Mary asks Jesus to help out. Surprisingly, Jesus tries to dissuade her, but she persists, and Jesus turns 150 gallons of water into wine for the wedding party. It's also worth noting that this is the first miracle Jesus ever does. He makes wine so a party can go on.

That's my summary, here is the whole version:

"On the third day there was a wedding at Cana in Galilee, and the mother of Jesus was there. Jesus also was invited to the wedding with his disciples.When the wine ran out, the mother of Jesus said to him, “They have no wine.”And Jesus said to her, “Woman, what does this have to do with me? My hour has not yet come.”His mother said to the servants, “Do whatever he tells you.”

Now there were six stone water jars there for the Jewish rites of purification, each holding twenty or thirty gallons. Jesus said to the servants, “Fill the jars with water.” And they filled them up to the brim. And he said to them, “Now draw some out and take it to the master of the feast.” So they took it. When the master of the feast tasted the water now become wine, and did not know where it came from (though the servants who had drawn the water knew), the master of the feast called the bridegroom and said to him, “Everyone serves the good wine first, and when people have drunk freely, then the poor wine. But you have kept the good wine until now.” This, the first of his signs, Jesus did at Cana in Galilee, and manifested his glory. And his disciples believed in him." (John 2.)

From the way the Church presents Jesus, this is a really strange first miracle. No one is sick or dying, only Jesus' closest friends realized that a miracle happened, and we are forced to consider the idea that Jesus might not be anti-fun.

Firstly, a little historical background: Wedding parties were a big deal in Jewish culture. They lasted about 7 days and you were expected to invited your entire extended family, neighbors, friends, friends' families, and friends' families' friends. This explains why Jesus brought his disciples. It also explains how the party might actually need 150 gallons of wine.

The second thing is, wine was critical to a party or any social gathering because the drinking water at that time was not always safe. While the water was not polluted like it is in Africa of Latin America today, it contained bacteria in enough quantity to cause stomach problems. Paul references this in 1 Timothy 5:23. Wine, on the other hand, had enough alcohol to kill this bacteria.

It's worth pointing out that Jesus and the other Jews weren't getting drunk. The Jews (as well as modern day Christians) considered it a sin to get drunk, although they allowed drinking some alcohol. For guests to get drunk at a wedding was considered disgraceful. They may have been what we would call 'buzzed.'

Therefore, the Jews mixed water with wine to have a safe drinking beverage that was slightly alcoholic. If the host ran out of wine to mix with the water, that was a big social no-no. Doing so could lead to family feuds or even lawsuits.


Understanding that gives Mary's request a little more urgency. Even so, at first, Jesus resists her.

Jesus has two reasons for this. Firstly, he wants it to be clear that he is God incarnate, and he helps out of his free will, not because his earthly mother told him to. Secondly, Jesus is on a mission, and he will only do that which furthers his mission. We know this because he says that his "hour has not yet come."

What is Jesus' mission? Jesus did not come to earth to teach, or do miracles, or be a good example. Jesus came to earth to die and be resurrected so that those who trusted in his death for forgiveness of sins would have eternal life. Where do I get that? From the next chapter, "For God so loved the world, that he gave his only Son, [Jesus] that whoever believes in him should not perish but have eternal life." Anything that did not further that mission was not important to Jesus.

However, Jesus does help out with the wedding crisis, but he uses it to further his personal mission as well. John says, "This, the first of his signs, Jesus did at Cana in Galilee, and manifested his glory. And his disciples believed in him." (2:11.)

Jesus was a man on a mission, and his mission was to die as the sacrifice for sin. That's the first point. The second on is this: When we trust in Christ's death, we are united with him in an amazing new life. Let me explain:

John uses the word 'sign' instead of 'miracle.' The difference is that a miracle is merely a supernatural action, whereas a sign is a supernatural action with an underlying spiritual truth. In other words, when Jesus turned water into wine, he was trying to convey a deeper, spiritual truth.

In Revelation, (and elsewhere in Scripture) heaven is depicted as a wedding feast where believers are joyfully united with God. Jesus miracle pictures the abundance of life in the spiritual kingdom of God, both now and in heaven.

What does 'living the abundant life' mean? It means that life with Jesus is infinitely better than life without Jesus. How? Those who trust in Jesus are being perfected in love, (1 John 4) having a peace that surpasses all understanding, (Philippians 4:7) abounding joy, (Romans 14) and a divinely ordained purpose (Ephesians 4:1.) These we have in any and every circumstance, regardless of any trouble we may be in (2 Corinthians 4.) We don't have to care about the acceptance of people, performance, appearance, or anything else the world judges (1 Corinthians 4:3.) We are free from hate, fear, (1 John 4:17-21) depression, (Philippians 4:11) and helplessness (1 Corinthians 1:18.) This is the abundant life in Christ Jesus.

Was Jesus a party animal? Not in our definition, no. Was Jesus a strict, fun killing, rules master? Absolutely not. Jesus dies to give us a wonderful, better, abundant life.

Towards the end of his book, John concludes with telling us his purpose. I will conclude with it as well:

"Now Jesus did many other signs in the presence of the disciples, which are not written in this book; but these are written so that you may believe that Jesus is the Christ, the Son of God, and that by believing you may have life in his name."

Image

I don't usually like being called a Christian. It has such a negative image in today's society. People see Christians as closed-minded, anti-intellectual, bigoted, rude, judgmental, selfish and clueless. They see us as people who are determined to tell everyone else how to behave and how to think (or not to think.)

The worst part is, from a lot of the Christians I have met, that's pretty accurate.

The term 'Christian' does actually appear in the Bible, in Acts 11:26. The term actually means 'little Christ,' so basically, a Christian is someone who is like a replica of Jesus. Only, Christians seem to have a problem being like Jesus. They would have just assume Jesus is like them.

Part of it is that a lot of people who say they are Christians aren't. They don't have any trust in Christ or his teachings. They don't obey them, nor do they want to. They call themselves a Christian to blend in with people around them, or feel like they have the 'spiritual side' covered. Other people were merely indoctrinated with some political and social ideas at a young age, call it Christianity, and cling to it like a sinking ship because they have never tried to learn to swim. These are the people that protest gay rights parades or throw rocks at people going into abortion clinics. These people are like the overly flamboyant gay people that are looking for someone to discriminate against them so they can be a victim. 'Real' (what does that even mean) gay people can't stand them, and they do a violence to the gay pride movement. The same with the "it's because I'm black" black guy that sees a racist behind every white problem, they are neither representative of most civil rights activists, nor do they actually help their movement.

In reality, being a disciple of Jesus is nothing like all that. It is freeing. It is peaceful. It is loving. It is filled with contentment and yet purpose and determination. It is a better life that I have every experienced elsewhere.

It has nothing to do with hate, but with loving all people. It has nothing to do with being a conservative. It has nothing to do with telling people how to live their lives. I would like to teach some people how to live their lives at some point, but only those people who are interested in learning from me because they see the peace and happiness I have, I have no interest in coercing people to agree with me who don't want to listen.

You don't have to agree with my view on life. Really, I'm not offended. I'm secure enough in my belief that I don't need you to agree with me to feel okay about what I believe. I'm not going to yell at you or condemn you or talk bad about you because you don't agree with me.

In fact, I think people who agree with me about everything are pretty boring. I would much rather hang out with an open minded person with some different opinions and have a friendly discussion about what they believe. I think you can gain a lot of wisdom my listening to what other people think. That doesn't mean you have to accept it, just listen and entertain the idea, without trying to refute everything they say. That's what I try to do. Preferably on a couch with some coffee while listening to some live jazz in a coffee house.

Now that's a blessing, deep conversations in a jazz coffeehouse...

Tuesday, September 16, 2008

The Nature of Love

My culture, that is, middle class, white, American culture, has a very poor understanding of the nature of love. Now, I don't claim to be an expert on love, but I do find that I seem to understand it a little better than most of the people I meet. I will try to explain:

Love is not romantic. Romance may involve love, but love does not require romance. Neither is love sexual. Sex sometimes has to do with love, but love has nothing to do with sex. Love is not passive. That is to say, love is not a feeling that you have for someone, or when you are with someone, or at a given time. You may feel tenderness or warmth or affection or longing or safety or exhilaration or desire or comfort or compassion or a number of similar emotions. And if you wish, you can call a certain mixture of those emotions 'being in love,' but ultimately, people aren't "in love" because that is passive. People love. People do not fall in love by accident, they choose to walk in love on purpose.

If love is an action, what does someone do when they love someone? Spend time together? Sometimes. Sleep together? Not usually. Make them happy? Now we're a little bit closer...

Love is a choice to do what is best for someone else at your own expense. Sometimes, that means spending time together. Sometimes that means making them happy, sometimes it means making them sad or angry. Sometimes it means never seeing them again.

For example, loving a crack addict does not mean giving them money for drugs. Loving a crack addict means cutting off their supply and getting them into rehab, even though they hate you for it at the time, and it kills you to make them suffer, you do what is best for them, because you love them.

So love is not always romantic. There is love between brothers and sister, parents and children, and friends. What about when it is? Romantic love seeks to build the other person into a stronger person. It encourages them to both stand on their own and trust in their friends and family. It helps them grow in maturity. Do right, sex is a powerful tool in this goal. Done wrong, sex destroys.

People who don't think sex can be destructive have no comprehension of what sex is or what it does. Sex connects, and it bonds, and it creates. It opens vulnerability in people. Done right, this builds people up. Done wrong, it builds like calcite in water pipes or tumors on organs. Rapid growth, physically, can be good when correctly organized by the endocrine system, but it can be dangerous unchecked, spreading malignant tumors through the body. Sex is the same on an emotional/spiritual level.

So when is sex destructive? When the relationship is not deep enough to support such a bond. When the relationship is not certain enough to continue that the participants can trust in the bond. When it objectifies. When it forces. When self-gratifies.

This is why marriage exists, to manage the raw power of sex through the consensus of the community and the agreement of the participants. Sex can still be destructive within a marriage, but sex outside of marriage is emotionally dangerous at best. A loving boyfriend wants to help his girlfriend mature and grow into a better person, his desire is not to get her into bed with him, because, on some level, he understands that this desire is self-gratifying. It will consume her (or him, or both) like an object, like a commodity. Rather than being a tool for creative purposes, it becomes a hunger that eats and is never full.

You may have noticed that I have not tried to support any of my statements. I am not proposing a logical argument, or even an argument at all. I am offering the small amount of wisdom I have obtained from a few sources I have found credible. You are welcome to disagree. I will not judge you, I will not argue with you. I offer these words as a suggestion of wisdom, which you are free to reject if you find them lacking in insight.

The teacher John, in one of his letters, said to to his followers:

"Dear friends, let us continue to love one another, for love comes from God. Anyone who loves is a child of God and knows God. But anyone who does not love does not know God, for God is love.

God showed how much he loved us by sending his one and only Son into the world so that we might have eternal life through him. This is real love—not that we loved God, but that he loved us and sent his Son as a sacrifice to take away our sins.

Dear friends, since God loved us that much, we surely ought to love each other. No one has ever seen God. But if we love each other, God lives in us, and his love is brought to full expression in us.

And God has given us his Spirit as proof that we live in him and he in us. Furthermore, we have seen with our own eyes and now testify that the Father sent his Son to be the Savior of the world. All who confess that Jesus is the Son of God have God living in them, and they live in God. We know how much God loves us, and we have put our trust in his love.

God is love, and all who live in love live in God, and God lives in them. And as we live in God, our love grows more perfect. So we will not be afraid on the day of judgment, but we can face him with confidence because we live like Jesus here in this world.

Such love has no fear, because perfect love expels all fear. If we are afraid, it is for fear of punishment, and this shows that we have not fully experienced his perfect love. We love each other because he loved us first.

If someone says, “I love God,” but hates a Christian brother or sister, that person is a liar; for if we don’t love people we can see, how can we love God, whom we cannot see? And he has given us this command: Those who love God must also love their Christian brothers and sisters." (1 John 4, NLT.)

So Jesus demonstrates perfect love, because though people rejected him, he died to take away the penalty for their sins, so that if they trusted in his death to save them, they would be cleansed from all kinds of wrong, and they could experience a new, joyful life on Earth, as well as hope in an everlasting life with God in heaven. This provides a perfect example for love for us. Jesus himself said:

“I have loved you even as the Father has loved me. Remain in my love. When you obey my commandments, you remain in my love, just as I obey my Father’s commandments and remain in his love. I have told you these things so that you will be filled with my joy. Yes, your joy will overflow! This is my commandment: Love each other in the same way I have loved you. There is no greater love than to lay down one’s life for one’s friends." (John 15.)

Friday, September 12, 2008

Safe In No One's Arms

I wrote this poem. It's about not letting people know the real you. I always love comments and constructive criticism.

Safe In No One's Arms

I never walk with bare feet
because with people it's too real
The sand is too between my toes
And I don't like to feel

If beauty lies
in beholder's eyes
Then only they can make me ugly

In the dark the world is small
Safer too, curled in a ball
I wonder if they would love me?

To know would be too open
To ask has so much danger
To search for love could hurt too much
I'll keep everyone a stranger

I wonder, could you love me?
Could you make me lovely too?
Is there someone, someones, out there,
who could love me like you do?

In the darkness I'm not ugly
In the silence I am safe
You said, "Sister turn the light on,
We will love you, just have faith."

No I have a choice
and I make it day by day
I let the hours slip by slowly
Talking with nothing real to say

Friday, August 29, 2008

Captivating: The Search for the Heart of Femininity

Okay, so I've been reading Captivating, because someone gave it to me awhile ago and it's pretty popular, so what the heck, right? These are mainly just my thoughts so far. As a quick summary: I like where she is going, but not how she gets there. Let me let explain:

While I agree with a lot of Stasi is saying (so far, I'm only like 30 pages in) I don't really like the way she proves her points. It seems that her basic premise is that there are these inherent desires in young girls that are the essence of femininity, and that society teaches girls to ignore or repress these desires, and if grown-up girls could get back to their childhood and understand, accept, and fulfill these desires in a healthy way, they would have become true women. In order to support most of this, she uses a lot of 'remember back to when you were an innocent girl, unspoiled by the influence of society...' arguments.

I think that's an overly idealistic argument. There is a lot of purity of thought in youth that is later corrupted by society. On the other hand, I have worked with kids all my life, and children are not innocent by any stretch of the imagination. We may not be born evil, but working with kids has convinced me that everyone is born inherently selfish. Just because young girls share similar desires of their hearts doesn't mean that fulfilling those desires will lead to happiness or Godliness. There are a lot of desires kids have that are really bad ideas, and we train them out of them for a reason.

Secondly, Stasi criticizes Proverbs 31, (actually, she criticizes an interpretation of Proverbs 31, but she says it as though she is criticizing the Bible itself.) Basically, Stasi paints a picture of Proverbs 31 imposing a tyranny on women to work hard to support their husband and family that is unhealthy and impractical. She comes to the conclusion that it is bad because it is impossible to fulfill. She offers no alternative interpretation or explanation of how divinely inspired Scripture is causing damage. She does not even suggest that it has been misinterpreted.

Now, possible Stasi will come back to this point later and explain how God's Scripture is always edifying when correctly interpreted, but I feel like she should have done this in the same section as she wrote about the harm of Proverbs 31. She should have at least emphasized (or even mentioned) that she has a problem with an interpretive theory, not Scripture itself. I think the way she has it written now erodes people's respect for Scripture.


Despite the fact that I don't appreciate her means, I think her main points may have some validity. In essence, Stasi argues that women have three basic longings, and that most destructive behavior and attitudes stems from repressing these longings. She says that if females can recognize these longing and learn to pursue their fulfillment in a healthy way, they will have discovered "what it means to be a woman," or "the heart of femininity."

Stasi says that every girl/woman wants "to be romanced," "an irreplaceable role in a great adventure," and "to unveil beauty." I think this might be true of every person, but I won't go into that here. In explanation of her first longing, Stasi explains that women want someone to pursue them, someone to work for their love. She uses the example of her boyfriend (now husband) leaving poetry on the windshield of her car and craving her a wooden heart.

While I think it's really important to do things like that in a relationship, I also think that different people express love in different ways, and for a lot of people being romance looks nothing like poems and carvings. For some people, being romanced is a lot more low-key. I do believe in Love Languages, and I think there is an over idealization of one or two of them that has made courtly love all flowers and poetry, whereas in reality there is a much greater spectrum to the expression of love.

However, I agree that the desire to be pursued/romanced is a legitimate, healthy desire and it's great if women want to pursue that. As a guy, I would generally try to make my girlfriend/wife feel 'romanced' although I think I would try to make it a little more down-to-earth because a lot of girls I know would feel pretty uncomfortable with some of the ideas Stasi suggests (such as leaving notes on windshields.)

By "an irreplaceable role in a great adventure," Stasi seems to mean an important and integral, yet ultimately supportive role in the quest of a man. She compares this to being the heroine in a war movie or action-drama. She uses such examples as Cora from The Last of the Mohicans or Arwen and Eowyn in The Lord of The Rings.

I am a man on a mission. I want to spend my life helping youth become more like Jesus Christ. That is what I have decided to commit my life to, and I will pour most of my talents, abilities and resources unto that altar unless I get a clear message from God instructing me otherwise. I see myself as a soldier in the Lord's army, and I have standing orders to advance the Kingdom, particularly in the youth world. As such, the idea of a woman who is committed to the same or similar mission is extremely attractive to me. Yet more attractive is the idea of a woman who is committed to such a ministry and wants to partner with me in this mission (and others, for example, raising children.)

I think woman like that are great, but I'm not sure that every woman has that desire or need. Firstly, I think some women are drawn to missions that do not have a significant male figure, because I know that, biblically speaking, some women (and men) are called to celibacy. Perhaps Stasi meant for the masculine figures in her examples to represent God, rather than a husband, but she didn't say that. If she meant God and not a husband, then it seems to me like the exact same thing could be said of men.

I didn't mean for this to be this long, because the main point I wanted to address was her third, on unveiling beauty. However, I think I will do this in a separate post, because I am kinda tired. The topic of feminine beauty is a whole other discussion, and I would like to be able to devote an entire post to it.

I know I seem pretty critical of Captivating, but I really don't dislike it. I know it has done a lot of god for a lot of people, and I respect that. I more dislike the method of it, but I think the message and points are very good. Also, I admit that I have only read a small part of it so far, and my opinion could change a lot. I am going to read the whole thing and reserve judgement until the end. These are only my thoughts so far.




********* <---[To attract attention]
If you are a girl, I would LOVE to hear your opinions on this, especially on Stasi three desires of the feminine heart. You know I always love any kind of comment, but I especially would like to hear what you ladies think on this one, because I acknowledge that I am in no way qualified or informed on this subject. If you (guys and girls) have read Captivating, I would also love to hear your comments on the book.

Personality Test

I had to take a personality test for one of my classes. I have the results, and I thought I would post them. I think they describe me very accurately, except that I don't think I am good with languages.

Quoted from humanmetrics.com:

Idealist Portrait of the Healer (INFP)

Healers present a calm and serene face to the world, and can seem shy, even distant around others. But inside they're anything but serene, having a capacity for personal caring rarely found in the other types. Healers care deeply about the inner life of a few special persons, or about a favorite cause in the world at large. And their great passion is to heal the conflicts that trouble individuals, or that divide groups, and thus to bring wholeness, or health, to themselves, their loved ones, and their community.

Healers have a profound sense of idealism that comes from a strong personal sense of right and wrong. They conceive of the world as an ethical, honorable place, full of wondrous possibilities and potential goods. In fact, to understand Healers, we must understand that their deep commitment to the positive and the good is almost boundless and selfless, inspiring them to make extraordinary sacrifices for someone or something they believe in. Set off from the rest of humanity by their privacy and scarcity (around one percent of the population), Healers can feel even more isolated in the purity of their idealism.

Also, Healers might well feel a sense of separation because of their often misunderstood childhood. Healers live a fantasy-filled childhood-they are the prince or princess of fairy tales-an attitude which, sadly, is frowned upon, or even punished, by many parents. With parents who want them to get their head out of the clouds, Healers begin to believe they are bad to be so fanciful, so dreamy, and can come to see themselves as ugly ducklings. In truth, they are quite OK just as they are, only different from most others-swans reared in a family of ducks.

At work, Healers are adaptable, welcome new ideas and new information, are patient with complicated situations, but impatient with routine details. Healers are keenly aware of people and their feelings, and relate well with most others. Because of their deep-seated reserve, however, they can work quite happily alone. When making decisions, Healers follow their heart not their head, which means they can make errors of fact, but seldom of feeling. They have a natural interest in scholarly activities and demonstrate, like the other Idealists, a remarkable facility with language. They have a gift for interpreting stories, as well as for creating them, and thus often write in lyric, poetic fashion. Frequently they hear a call to go forth into the world and help others, a call they seem ready to answer, even if they must sacrifice their own comfort.

Princess Diana, Richard Gere, Audrey Hephurn, Albert Schweiter, George Orwell, Karen Armstrong, Aldous Huxley, Mia Farrow", and Isabel Meyers are examples of a Healer Idealists.

Thursday, August 28, 2008

Apartment Windows and a Lonely Crowd

I like to stand by my window and look out over the city. I like the architecture, and I think the lights spreading out over the cityscape are beautiful.

Sometimes while I look out, (but not very often) I see someone else in their apartment window. Usually the apartments near Moody are dark and empty, but today I saw someone reading and someone else watching TV.

I wonder what those people's lives are like. Are they happy? Are they content? Do they have real friends? Do they have the peace I have in Christ? If not, could I show them, if I knew them, or are they closed to the idea? What could they teach me about life, or love, or God? What are they passionate about? Do they like art, or fishing, or business management models? What music do they listen to?

I often wonder this when I see strangers. It's why I like to people watch. I see people driving or walking on the street, and I wonder where they are going, and why they are going there? Where do they work, and do they like it there? If I could talk to their teenage selves, would they be surprised at where they ended up, or are they doing what they always wanted? Is it what they thought, or are they disappointed?

I desire very deep relationships, much more so than most people seem to desire. Consequently, my relationships are almost completely much less deep than I would like, but that's okay. I think I want relationships that are deeper than is possible this side of heaven. I think that will be one of the coolest things about heaven for me: knowing fully, even as I am fully known.

Sociologists call this 'The Age of the Lonely Crowd' because people are more connected and in greater proximity than ever, but they are also more lonely and have more shallow relationships than ever. Some say this is why we have so many problems with depression or random shootings and such. I think it may be a contributing factor.

I was thinking about Moody and my church and my high school, and I think for most people in each place, they are lonely crowds. Lots of shallow relationships of lonely people drifting among the masses. Close friends are an incredible blessing, I hope you cherish them. I also hope you wonder, upon occasion, if you really know your friends as well as you think. I hope you don't have to wonder if anyone knows you like you think.

I think it would be cool if I met one of those apartment dwellers in heaven and got to find out the answers to my questions. I look forward to knowing what you thought after you read this article, and what you did next, and if you ever had the same questions. I doubt I'll know in this life, but I'm okay with that.

Tuesday, August 26, 2008

Purity

I know this topic has been done to death in some Christian circles, but I feel the need to weigh in. Today we had the all-hall meeting at Moody, which is basically a meeting where you get introduced to the residence life staff and talk about some policies and some plans for the year for your dorm. Every year for the last while, the leadership of Moody have talked about the issues of masturbation and pornography, which I think is really important. Please understand that this article is for Christians, only. If you are not a Christian, you will probably not understand my view on this at all. Right now, I am not explaining it. Once again, this is written only for Christians.

More than half of male Moody students eventually admit that they were using pornography at the time they arrived at Moody. I would strongly suspect that there are many who never admit to it. I also suspect that pornography and masturbation use among girls is much higher than statistics would suggest because there is much more shame and secrecy associated with sexual sin among females than among males. (1 in 3 users of porn sites are female.)

Honestly, I think the Church as a whole handles issues of sexual sin almost as badly as it possibly could. At most churches, the most any pastor will do to address sexual sin is preach a vague sermon once a year on the dangers of sexual sin. For a nation that idolizes sex, this is simply not good enough. For too long the Church has swept all issues sexual into a corner.

This is neither Biblical nor effective. Most of today's Christian youth are struggling with sexual sin, and very little it being said to them about it. Most of today's Christian youth would like to be free of sexual sin, but they don't know how to be. It's not as simple as 'try harder, pray more, and just stop sinning.' There are people in their churches that know how to help, but the addicts are afraid that, if they reveal their sin, they will be judged and rejected. This is especially true among women.

Also, rarely do the people that know how to help talk about it. People who are struggling have no idea who to go to or how they will be received because the Church refuses to give it the necessary public attention.

If we could be open and honest about the problem, we would be very close to solving it. However, for that to happen, people have to know that they won't be judged and ridiculed for admitting that they have a problem. And that means that people who aren't struggling in this area need to step out and talk about sexual sin, and admit that they have done things that are just as bad, because all sin really is equally heinous in the eyes of God. We need people to offer to talk to those who may be struggling with sexual sin and let them know that it's okay, even good, to come forward. And we need those struggling with sin to be passionate enough for God that they are willing to confess their sins to others in order to work toward holiness.

I think another big problem in the Church is that we don't really value purity. We degrade and shame people who aren't pure, but we don't really praise or honor those who are. I think this especially important across the gender barrier. If guys knew that girls respected them for not masturbating, rather than thinking there was something wrong with them, there would be that much more motivation for purity. In the same way, if guys would refrain for channeling their interest towards the most flirty, most scantily dressed girl, and rather honored purity among women instead of making fun of it, be could raise up our sisters in Christ in a new way.

I am a part of a group called the Barbarians, which deals with much, much more than sexual sin. We are a fraternity of Christian all over the world that strive to live all out for God. We strive to excel in all areas of Godliness, from speech to good study habits to emotional control to sin issues such as pride, lust, etc. If you are a Moody man, and you would like to join the group, let me know and we would be happy to talk to you about the possibility of joining. If you are a man from somewhere else interested in starting or finding a local chapter, send me a message and I will see if there is a group in your area or where we should go from there. If you are a female, there is a sister group (which I believe calls themselves the fairies) that I may be able to connect you too.

If you struggle with sexual sin, I want to say a few things to you.

1. You're not a freak. God still loves you. We, the Church, still love you. We won't judge you, we won't condemn you, we won't think you're weird or that we're better than you.

2. It's not okay. Sexual sin is an offense to God. Paul says, "Flee from sexual immorality. All other sins a man commits are outside his body, but he who sins sexually sins against his own body. Do you not know that your body is a temple of the Holy Spirit, who is in you, whom you have received from God? You are not your own; you were bought at a price. Therefore honor God with your body." -1 Corinthians 6:18-20.

3. You can't deal with it on your own. Sexual sin is addictive, powerful, and isolating. God made sex to bring intimacy, Satan twists sex to make it isolating. Because of this, you CANNOT break the cycle on your own. James 5:16 says, "Therefore confess your sins to each other and pray for each other so that you may be healed. The prayer of a righteous man is powerful and effective."

4. Tell someone. Actually, I suggest telling at least two people. Tell a spiritual leader, such as a pastor, mentor, small group leader, etc. And tell a close Christian friend of the same sex. Confess and repent, and then have them keep you accountable to breaking free from sin. What you should not do is tell everyone. Doing so might drag a weaker Christian down.

5. Be willing to do whatever is necessary to pursue holiness. If that means you need get rid of the internet on our computer, get rid of some music or movies, or get a different job, do it. Any part of your life that is dragging you into sin needs to be cast off. This is what Jesus meant when he said, "And if your right hand causes you to sin, cut it off and throw it away. It is better for you to lose one part of your body than for your whole body to go into hell." (Matthew 5:30.)

6. Check out some resources. Look around at XXXChurch.com. They have a lot of help for both men and women, as well as some free internet accountability software. Also, Covenant Eyes has some good reasources as well as some better accountability software. (Albiet, not free.) I am still looking for a good book on this subject, if you find on, let me know. The one on XXXChurch.com's website looks really good, but I haven't read it.



I know this topic might be awkward for a lot of you reading this. Honestly, I think you need to get over it. We live in a highly sexualized culture, and if we want to be in the world, we need to be comfortable with addressing sin (but not with sinning.) Most of you know I feel God's call to be a youth pastor. Sexual sin is one of the issues amoung youth (but not only youth) that desperately needs to be talked about. I am very passionate about addressing these issues openly and boldly, and I am not going to sit down or shut up about them. They need to be discussed. If you don't think that the Church should be talking about issues like this, I want to know what Bible you're reading. Whenever there was a tough, disgusting, hard to deal with issue, the prophets talked about it, Jesus talked about it, and the apostles talked about it. I'm going to talk about it, and maybe you should too.

Saturday, August 16, 2008

Modesty and Beauty, pt. 1

Summer is drawing to a close, and the issue of modesty has popped up a couple times. I was reading 1 Peter 3, and it came to mind. I want to talk about the passage and Peter's comments on what makes a woman beautiful and my opinions on beauty, but I feel like, in my mind, I need to address this issue of modesty and iron out my views on that before I can contemplate deeper issues. Even though this is written as though to other people, and it's posted on the web, this is mostly for me to iron out some of my ideas on the subject. If you find it interesting or gain something from it, that's wonderful, but please understand that these are just my personal musings.

The passage that provoked these thoughts was, "Your beauty should not come from outward adornment, such as braided hair and the wearing of gold jewelry and fine clothes. Instead, it should be that of your inner self, the unfading beauty of a gentle and quiet spirit, which is of great worth in God's sight." I didn't get into this verse as much as I wanted in this post, but I will try to delve into it deeper in a later post. I feel like there's some preliminary stuff I need to cover.

There is a lot I could say here but right now I'm going to try and keep it simple. There are a lot of cultural, social and theological issues here, and I don't want to write a research paper.

I have never asked a girl to dress modestly or suggested that she should. Why? Because Christian girls should desire to dress modestly out of love for their brothers (see Romans 14.) If she doesn't already have a desire to help keep her brothers from stumbling, I don't want to pressure her into doing it for the wrong reasons. What I have done is help girls who already show a desire to love their brothers in this way understand what is helpful and what is not.

Firstly, a lot of people have this idea that girls being more modest is a substitute for guys having strong spiritual defenses, which is absurd. If we guys are in the world, there will always be temptation, including scantily clad women. Suck it up, soldier. Stop whining about girls making you stumble. Guess who's responsible for your sin? You are. Guess who needs to deal with the problem? You, not them. There will always be sexual temptation. Waiting for better internet filters, marriage to a hot wife, and a new wave of modesty sweeping the nation is not a solution. A solution is relying on god's power and developing self control to build a defense that weathers temptation without giving in to sin.

Now, speaking to Christian girls. Ideally, guys should be able to resist temptation no matter what you wear. Those of you who have visited a location know as "the real world" know that is uncommon to rare. Modesty, for you, serves two purposes. 1. You don't want to contribute to your brother's sin problem. You want to bring him closer to God, not further away, because you love God and you love him. 2. If you want to connect with a guy and build a deeper relationship (whether a Platonic friendship or a romantic relationship) it helps to be modestly dressed. It has been said guys have trouble opening up, which is a completely baseless and unfounded lie, but being on high alert against spiritual attack is not going to help a guy relax. If you want to build a relationship, you need him to feel safe, and being modest can contribute to that feeling of safety.

Now, there are some girls who I know are reading this and thinking, "Hey, I have the right to wear whatever I want, and if some perverted guy wants to lust after me, that's his problem." To this I respond, "yes, you do." You have the freedom in Christ to wear whatever you want, and it is the men, not you, who will ultimately be held responsible.

However, the Christian life is not about rights or freedom. In fact, it is about giving up rights and submission. Ephesians 5 says, "Submit to one another out of reverence for Christ." Paul address the idea of hurting someone else by your freedom in Christ in 1 Corinthians 8,

"Be careful, however, that the exercise of your freedom does not become a stumbling block to the weak. [...] So this weak brother, for whom Christ died, is destroyed by your knowledge. When you sin against your brothers in this way and wound their weak conscience, you sin against Christ." (see also Romans 14.)

The idea of the Christian life is that you should be more concerned about your spiritual family and Christ than yourself, so that you are willing to sacrifice rights, freedom, or comfort for the benefit of others or the cause of Christ.

I think most Christian girls genuinely do want to do that, but it's a very confusing issue and they aren't sure how that looks practically. This is really what I want to talk about.

A lot of girls I talk to about this want clear cut, easy to follow rules. Unfortunately, no such rules exist. Some of you have heard me say that modesty is culturally defined, and this is true. In general, guys from Maine may have a lot more trouble with a girl in a bikini than would guys raised in Miami. There are two reasons for this. Firstly, the more you are used to it, the better you can handle it. Secondly, different culture have different ideas about what is sexual. Some cultures see a girl in a bikini and fantasize about sex, others see a girl in a bikini and fantasize about windsurfing. This is because every subculture (and every person) associates ideas and images differently. Know the subculture that you're in.

Also, I think a lot of modesty is situational. Going to the beach or the pool and seeing girls in bikinis is not a big deal for me, because I go to the beach expecting to see that, and I come prepared. A modest outfit at the beach can be a very immodest outfit in a classroom, for example. As guys we need to be on alert all the time, but it helps if there are areas we know are generally safe.

I generally don't have a problem with tank tops. They're everywhere in the summers here, and I think it's a great way to stay cool in Chicago's beastly weather. However, I don't like it when girls wear tank tops to church, because church is a place where I have close friends and deep spiritual experiences, and I don't like having to have my guard up at church. It's nice to be able to relax more. Also, it can be simply distracting from the worship. However, it's still my responsibility to deal with it.

The other thing I think girls don't realize is how much more of a temptation lust is for guys than girls. Dean Arens once said that 70% of guys coming into Moody (and 30% of girls, I think) have an addiction to pornography. (For more stats, check out XXXChurch.) I guarantee you that even the guys that you think are the strongest spiritually struggle with lust. They may be winning the struggles, but I promise you it's a struggle, and there's no shame in that. There's nothing wrong with being tempted, Jesus was tempted in every way. It's okay to admit that you are struggling with a sin. Sin grows in the dark and dies in the light, if we as a Church are serious about fighting sin, we need to be comfortable talking about it. People tend to feel like everyone is doing better than they are spiritually, and they need to keep that a secret.

I think my final word here is this: Girls, talk to your guy friends about what you can do to help them out in regards to modesty. Most guys would be happy to tell you if they thought you wanted to know. But, don't ask if or what they struggle with or how they're doing. That's something they need to be dealing with with an older male spiritual leader, not you. Guys, don't blame girls for your struggles. Step up and take the responsibility for your spiritual life. If you have a problem, find someone older and wiser to talk to about it. Everyone: There are some times when it's not appropriate to share your dirty laundry, but in general, as a church, we need to be comfortable talking about sin (but not comfortable with sinning.) Sin isolates, keeps secrets, lies, and thrives in darkness. God calls us to community, openness, honesty and accountability, and that's an environment that no sin can live in.

"Whoever loves his brother lives in the light, and there is nothing in him to make him stumble." 1 John 2:10

I think I'm going to wrap it up for now because it's 3am, but I'll write a part 2 on more of the idea of inner beauty and so forth.

Tuesday, August 12, 2008

Insecurity and Love

I am alternately the maverick Christian who is going to God's will and love everyone with no care as to what people think of me in comparison to what God thinks, and the insecure sellout who will do most things to feel accepted and loved by a group. I switch back and forth without really noticing.

Prof. Janosz once said, "To some extent, most people will always see themselves as they did in middle school." I think this is more true than we like to admit. Most of the people I have talked to about this have had a very unpleasant experience of middle school, and I think probably I more than many.

A lot of people feel like they are secretly unlovely in some way. People are afraid of being fat, stupid, or boring. I used to think that what I was afraid of was that no one likes me. But I don't really think that's it. I think more accurately, I'm afraid that no one wants to be close to me. I'm afraid that I annoy and hurt people without meaning to. (Which I know is true sometimes, and I don't mean to bother people.) I'm afraid that secretly, everyone is just tolerating me because they don't want to tell me that they don't like me.

I understand that this fairly paranoid and not very logical. However, this is how I saw myself in middle school, and I haven't really shaken the prejudice towards the viewpoint yet. It seems like most groups of people pick some people to be loved more than others, (including those at Moody) and I don't like that. It feels too much like a competition. I played the game once and manage to be very popular in one particular group, but I found I still didn't feel loved because I had tried very hard to present a face that really isn't me. I knew the person people loved was not really me, and I was angry at them for not realizing this. I also drained a lot of my energy being someone I wasn't.

So now I am mostly content to be loved for who I am by those people who who choose to do so. Knowing that I am a child of God helps me be okay with not being loved by most people most of the time, but I'm still afraid that everyone is secretly tolerating me because they don't want to tell me that they don't like me. I guess that that is a part of the war between my soul and my flesh. My soul is secure in Christ but my flesh is not, understandably.

I like Donald Miller's thought's on the subject:
"
DOOR: How do you feel the church uses love as a commodity?

MILLER: When we talk about relationships with people, we use phrases like "invest in people," "this person is priceless," or "this relationship is bankrupt." By using economic metaphor we've begun to think of love like money. There is this sense that we can't love homosexuals because that's endorsing them. So, we spout little cliches like "hate the sin, but love the sinner" but we don't actually do that. We sort of isolate ourselves from the world because we fear them, we don't understand them. I think the root of that problem is the fact that we treat love like money. We exist in this social economy where we use affection as dollars."

I got this from an interview that I found online, although he says the same thing in more detail in Blue Like Jazz.

Inside My Mind

Today, I take you inside the dark interworkings of MY MIND! Muh-ha-ha-ha... ha. It's actually not as weird as it sounds...

I have ADHD. I'm not hyperactive, but I have difficulty focusing. Most people don't know I have ADHD because I am good at focusing when I have a stimulus, such as someone talking to me. I mostly lose focus when I'm alone. I always have at least a dozen trains of thought running through my head, and they interrupt each other constantly. It's really, really frustrating.

It's good when I have schedule or some structure, because it helps me focus. It's also good when I do something with someone else, unless they talk to me so much that I don't get anything done. When I have no where I need to be and no particular plan of how to tackle things, it takes me forever to do anything. For example, on a particularly bad day, it took me an hour and a half to make breakfast (toast and jelly, with yogurt.) I kept getting distracted with other things I was supposed to do, and got about 10 things half done in that time. It's a little bit like being 'Dori' from Finding Nemo, except when I'm reminded of things, I can still remember them.

As you might imagine, it's really difficult to function like this. For a long time, I was really embarrassed about it, and I didn't tell anyone. Since I'm generally fine around people, most people didn't notice. Now, I'm more okay with who I am as a person, and I don't mind admitting that I have a lot of trouble focusing. I used to take meds for it, but they affected my mood really strangely, so I don't anymore. I'm developing what are known as 'coping mechanisms.'


My mind also never stops. I can't remember a time when I have been not thinking about anything for more than 7 seconds (I was trying, and I timed myself.) I like to create stories, so a lot of times my mind is building stories. Sometimes these are utterly fantastic and have no bearing on reality, and other times the stories are sparked by something I see or hear. The stories are not usually developed, they are ideas. As I think of the story, I can see it happening inside my head, like a movie. Often, there is more than one story developing at a time, and I can see them both at once.

This made me really easy to take care of as a kid. I was never bored on long car trips or in doctor's offices. I would take something I saw and start building a story around it. I used to be very open about the fact that I was constantly creating new stories, but people thought it was weird that I could actually watch (and hear) the story in my head. After a while I learned to put a bored expression on my face so no one wondered what I was thinking about.
This short story is amazingly accurate to how my mind works on a daily basis.

I also wonder a lot about Why, How, and What If. I wonder a lot about how they decided to make EXIT signs the size that they did, or how that dent in the way came to be there, or what that shirt says and what it means and why they wore that shirt today and if it means something special to them or if it's just a throwaway shirt.

I like to people watch because I like to wonder what that person is doing. Why are they in a hurry? Do they have anyone they love? What are they passionate about? Do they know God? Do they care? Are they looking? Do they have real friends? Would I like them?

Then I might think, What if he's a spy, and he's following that woman because she has information on the Chinese nuclear program. And a story might develop there. Then I might not like that story. Suppose they are married. Maybe things are hard between them, and she never has time for him, and every time they talk they fight, so they just live in the same house now. But he still loves her, and he followed her today, not because he thought she was cheating, but because he just wants to sit across the street and watch her drink coffee and dream about the days when they could talk. Perhaps he imagines what she would say back them if she could see him now, and he laughs. There is a flashback, and we see them talking and laughing, getting along, when they were younger. Then man gets up to go see her, but he shakes his head and sits back down.

I like talking to people even more, because their stories are real, but it's hard to get people to be real with you, but I suppose that's all for the best, otherwise we'd all be to vulnerable. Still, having good friends to talk with is much better than any story. Art imitates life, but life is the most supreme art.

That was extremely incoherent, I think. Honestly, I'm not sure if I wrote this for you or for me. I think I'm probably the only one who will ever read it, so I guess for me, although I rather like the idea of someone reading it. I like wondering what they would be thinking. I especially like imagining that there's someone thinking, "I get that, I do that too," and wondering who that person might be.

I'm feeling whimsical of late...